evidently swimming across the ocean peak

Everything was like a secret competition to me. I’d always lose, but i’d still compete no matter what the circumstances were.

I’d be the fool; the miserable fool who’d lose. I’d lose every single thing inside of me. My damn confidence… it was so low. I was so low in every way, convincing myself to be everything i knew I shouldn’t, but was. I was a goddamn fool to fall into every trap my mind set up. Those stupid thoughts.

My true foe is myself. And honestly… I just don’t think I’ll make it. It’s a goddamn war. Its winning.

fabricated pieces of cotton candy

I thought i was special when I recieved the MissMinnesota application, but its just another… fabricated lie.  I’m just looking for the nearest thing to make me feel… special. I’m desperate for the need to want to be noticed.

You fucking whore. DIE, and stay dead.

Whatever the hell I built is crumbling now.

aimlessly posing for the next pop sensation

Pointless babbles of sorts of random blahs would bring you to an understanding of world domination, but I guess… they all lied. Was there really an art to dominating? Dominatrix? However humans spell it; grammer isn’t my best trait, but then again was anything ever? There’s no loss there, just a person trying find herself. Pfff, right.

Just curse me and I’ll be happy.

There’s a constant whirring sound from outside. I don’t know if its for me or you. I’ll call you if its for you. The weather seems nice, but the noise just gets louder. Is it the UFO? Only fools from Guatemala feel they’ve been abducted. Or was that New Mexico? Why is it the Whites? A caucasian fat person to boot who gets abducted. Eh, can’t beat that. The police rushed out.

Days like these are predictable and the more I think about it, the more I just want to lay over and sleep to dream.

Really now, being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up, coming from some random band I can’t put my name on.

Are we any better? Do we differ from the last generation?…

rambles of neverland

Had to make a new one, cause’ I just can’t seem to login to my old one. Same name… different endings- ’nuff said.

Mowed the front and backyard, glued myself to the computer for more than two hours, ate endless amounts of bread, had rice with fish and soy sauce for lunch, read a twentyone chaptered story; all in a days work.

The nothingness I created for myself seems to be intact and I find myself being an insomniac else where, rather than home. Hand me a drink and lets say its 10. Lifes like this Avril, it always is.

You can’t say everything is okay and walk on by. You can’t return to neverland, for there was no neverland to begin with. You call yourself a teenager and can’t find anything to complain about.

I should punch you for that.

Kick and scream.

Can’t understand a word they’re saying. Its called lonliness– seemed fitting to me.

Found all these rambles useless. Hated school, loved to read. What can I say? reading fanfiction is free. I’m not exactly a tough cookie to crack, not athletic at all or smart; I just pretend to be.

Pretending to pretend kicks ass.

Wishing for the worst and doing nothing seems appealing to me.

Realizing too many I’s in these entries have got the best of me.

Lets talk about all those STDS traveling around, eh?

Crabs, that genital herpes, gonorhea, syphillis, and so and so.

Aids… can’t forget about that, can we?

eh…