A flying carpet you wished you had

“I can’t watch people cutting into other people’s faces, but I guess if it were your ass.. I’d be fine.”

Yeah, that sounds a bit right.

Songs of the past fill this empty head of mind; This motionless state of mine. I used to think about what happened after you died when I was little.  I used to get scared because of it. Do you not exist? And then I started imagining stars and the space. The in-be-tween. The everything I never really thought about. I sat in bed and thought. What happens? What happens next? My head would hurt and I’d get scared.

I still do; I don’t like the dark, but I want to be that little kid again. Maybe I’ll change it, maybe I won’t. But who knows really?

Sometimes I don’t like the way things are, but why would that matter? I’m just a petty human being. Not as important as other things, but whatever I think stays in whatever I think in.  Does that sound correct?

So, we think, worry, sympathize. And do many other… things.  Well.. sure. So, I can’t find the MAIN POINT and maybe I’m not that fast, but sometimes I don’t think it matters. Why do you do the things you do? WHY? Is it to understand.. are we that much more skilled?

Ash said, “Go Pikachu! Thundershock!” Do we need to find the main point in that? No one seems to care and thats just funny and sad at the same time. You SET out to teach us. I think I was wrong in choosing so many things, but I can’t look back. I refuse to change. I opened up in writing. And I don’t think it was right.

It never was.

Too much of a seeker of sorts.. forgot to stop caring about caring. Meh. I think I’m fine where i am, and what I’ve done. “You said you’ve seen too many many things..” You haven’t, for its a fact. A fact that people use. A fact to another fact.  Ingest it and then Digest. Because I think its better if you don’t. If you don’t ask, and if you don’t wonder.

Living in a systematic rotating oven. They say hell is hot, but I disagree. They said its cold. They said that Hades wasn’t as bad as they portrayed him. Disney has to have a Good and Evil. Theres NEVER ever a neutral- in-be-tween. Sometimes I don’t like them for it, but they’ve become big with it. I think I understand a bit. We’re just kids, and I just ADORED Aladdin. He was awesome. He had a magic carpet; i wanted a flying magic carpet. I could give a rats ass about Princess Jasmine though. She’s hot, but she’s not for me. I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I’m gay.

t.b.c.

monday morning

A warm place sounds good right now. Sleep sounds even better. Uh huh.
Homework is on the last of the To do list that doesn’t exist; its the only thing on it, and I think she’d kick my ass if I didn’t do it.

Yeah. Oh well.

Thoughts of school is like touching ice cold water. On repulse you instantly jump away or so. Yeah, well… things aren’t too far apart from what it seems.

Don’t talk, so don’t be talked to.
Its just that simple.

Don’t ask, so don’t be asked.

Hmm. What a goddamn lie. The cold is emcompassing my body. And lately I just don’t care about what happens anymore, just as long as I’m done… Done with it. Can you understand? These feelings don’t change until months have passed, so please come back next year.

There was an experiement. It was in the process of beginning, but theres one terrible error the expermenter made: there were too many variables and no control.
So she laughed a lot and jumped down the stairs. She tumbled out of bed with her mind on pause. She programmed a robot instead.
Its still on pause.
The robot took her place, except… she forgot one thing: It felt what she would have felt.
And now its malfunctioning.
Now she’s malfunctioning.
And forgetting.
And feeling a lot like a Monday morning.
She thanked herself over and over.
Nowthe experiment is inconclusive.

Dear current cutter teacher person place and thing,

Maybe I can’t express to you how I feel about this and how I can’t remember much, but maybe if you let me write and stop to think than I should be fine; you should be too because this is an ongoing sentence. I forgot to pay attention in English class last year and I don’t think this year will change or the next and the next. I said that I wanted to get into writing, but I think that’s just another lie. Its one goddamn beautiful one though. It’s a never-ending parade of trying and not trying, being and not being. I like the way you wear your shoes and do your hair, but I don’t want to be you or her, him or she, his or her. Saturday’s a coming; where are you? I love your shoes and you “love” mine, thanks. Another girl asked me what I used and I told her nothing. I think I left for the sake of just leaving and now I miss what’s missing. If you said that we could write about anything, I’d be happy. But a page wouldn’t suffice, because all I do is write about anything that turns into a nothing; I hope you understand. I’ll congratulate you if you can break me out of this habit of not trying and half trying. I’ll buy you sweets, flowers and such. And I’ll even write you unforced stories; untold truths and the lies behind truths. I’ll even be your best friend.

Sincerely,

Ex-writer, Un-inspired

cardboard boxes and socks

an acoustic-ish sound, a light tap on the drums and some light singing will do. It will, trust me.

This man once told me I was gay during the month of May. Hah. Funny. I walked away and thought about the idea. I’d rather be gay in May than doomed in June. Red socks and locks found in sticks. Lets mix a couple of kicks, and let those winks follow through with links and pink.

Meh, die. They said die. Lie, sue, and then marry Lue, name a kid Boo. Thats life. Yeah. Yup.

If I write you this letter; will you like me better?

If you will and if you won’t. Dot the I leave the end. Because forever isn’t forever. This one girl told me… told me a story… fairy tales aren’t real and superheroes don’t exist, so don’t persist.

Don’t she said. Don’t say I. Don’t ask why.

I’m so fly… I can make anyone look good

Hmm. School was yet again school. HA! It didn’t burn down and yet again.. I am the Loner. Hah. Oh well. I fit the roll, besides it don’t matter. I don’t listen to what they have to say. It just don’t phase me.

Uh huh. Rollin’ over and sleepin’ sounds good right now, but… i just can’t right now at least.

Meh. I fucked up- with the whole choosing classes thing and now I’m too scared to talk to my own counselor. Or fucking shy. Whatever. I think I’ll just deposit the body in the next building.

Eh. High school ain’t what people make it out to be. Its for some, but not all and I have yet to see the fun in it. Your so called fucking clique can die and stay dead. Your team can go rot in the corner of the room for all I care. Labels and such. Laughs and giggles. i’m still trying to figure out what to do, I’m STILL trying to plan out how to approach the office.

I disgust myself; Funny. I’m allergic to you. They won’t make it out of the room alone with that kind of thinking.

I think I made a terrible error. Because I’m still selfish. I forgot about the others. I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to complain like this. I forgot so many things. i forgot to stop saying I.

The rooms dark. The outside is light. The flowers are slowly dying. The morning air fogs up the windows. The stars say nothing.

You know what I think? I think of nothing. Of a nothing. Of a being of Nothing.

Fly to the sky because hell is hot like fiyah, because people don’t know your name. Read and die and write to live. Hah, that shat don’t make sense.

Honey, you don’t make a bit of sense.

“Okay… class so that ends todays lesson; any questions?”

“Uh.. yeah. Why do you do that?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why do you do that?”

“Why do i do what?”

“That, WHY do you do that?”

“…”

“exactly.”

I think that you’re the kind of gay that went horribly wrong

My socks don’t match and I stare at my reflection too much. I’m not vain… or conceited in any way. Its FUNNY coming from someone who has low self-eesteem. I find myself constantly staring at the window; seeing my reflection- the ifs and ands. Right… lets get it straight.

My hand smells like someone else; funny. I wonder if the neighbors are annoyed? A little music pumpin’ from down below and loud speakers hover below, down south.. whatever. I hope they don’t mind… i’m not here often. Much.. yet. I miss this place dearly when I am here. There. Near. The rain hits the in-progress wall, but its only hitting its shield I suppose.

Funny… I used to be the only person awake in the house.

I used to be so many other things; so so many other things.

I’m NOT waiting for school. In all actuality.. I’m dreading the days. ‘Stick a needle in the EYE and lets call it a day; GET BETTER SOON JUSTIN.

I know a kidney won’t stop you from making those sex beats.

Don’t drink and drive to stay fly. Seriously, Kids.

‘member… if yous gunna have sex.. use a condom and other contercepts.. that thing that will ’some’ what help you not get ‘em stds/stis.

Stay in school. I’m still trying to find a reason for myself… HHA. I’d get my ass kicked if I dropped. I wouldn’t though, just because of who I am.

Thanks.

pressing restart because nothing wouldn’t suffice

As much as I try to go to sleep… I just can’t. My heads on overload for the time being and as much as I want to just want to sulk at the nearest corner, I can’t. I just simply can’t. Theres so far I can go… and to think- I could handle such things.

I’m scared… of everything and I just don’t know what to do.

I just want to start all over. Let me press restart; i’ll get it right this time. Thats all I ask… thats all I want right now.