cock it and blow it up.

Finding words to describe where I’m at, what I do, and who I am is never enough. If i were to stand across you and speak words out of my mouth I’d speak of this nothing that I can’t seem to let go. And if you were to watch me move across the room, you’d find a statue, A gargoyle. When you see me you’d find a frozen fountain. An unmoving being. An overthinking human. A nonsense making machine and a deteriorating facade of whats left. Even a wisp of wind. Because… I’m in that state of mind.

I just don’t want to go back. I just want to stand still. Waste. Waste, baby let me waste. Baby, baby, let me run, run. And baby, let me fly. I wanna fly. So. Let. Me.

Because I just don’t want to stay here. I just don’t want to attempt. Or do. I want to go. Just let me go.

I whispered, she whispered, he whispered, “heaven won’t take me and hell won’t welcome me, so. why. don’t.you.just.shoot. ’cause I just don’t believe in a heaven or hell…”

say tang.

Eating everything in the refrigerator is sounding more and more appealing. My minds on an ongoing trail of nothing. I buried myself in Daphne Loves Derby. I can’t you hear you, trust me i cannot hear you. I wonder, just wonder what ever the hell happened to waldo? Isn’t it an oxymoron when you say your head is filled with emptiness? Another bullshit thought from a writer that makes everything not make sense, but the least bit cool in every way you imagined.

Its too late and we’ve- okay- I’VE gone too far. Maybe not as far as Africa or Australia, but I’m far from everywhere I’ve known if that makes as much sense as the last sentence. My minds in a blank state of mind, if you will. I assume, I assume that I should shut up about my mind and stop with the my’s and I’s. I Completely forgot about it. Truly, deeply.sorry.

Circles, the best thing to draw- i guess its good for the soul because it makes a cycle. Wouldn’t it be fun if you could recycle a soul? Whatever a soul is that is. I hear ticking and tweaking, breaking and building, closing and opening.

Fuck.

I really don’t know what I’m doing. I just hope. I just wish. I just dream, that i’ll finally find it. them. you.her.him.they.

You say… I say.. We say, so many things that don’t make any sense at all. Sometimes I think we’re just saying it for the sake of saying it. I wonder if we’re really afraid to show and tell. Words exchanged and a reflex; our reaction.

I just hope you find what you’re looking for.

Because… I’m looking too.

mo.

i say yo.