the reason to.

Seeking and searching, while sleeping. Call it slight a coma, ’cause thats my status- my state. My ambitions vary from time to time- right now I just want to fly. Years go by, yet I feel like I haven’t grown- physically or mentally. And the best part about it, is when you fade behind.

I do, feel as if I’ve been here before. So, why does it feel like I can’t do anything… to stop it? For lack of words, I hold no power to these visions. I feel crazy and as if I’m imagining what will happen next, or in a few years. Yet, every time I get this feeling I can’t help but shudder and feel nostalgia pass me by.

Fuck astro-projecting in afternoons. All I get is sick of feeling weightless. I awake with a pain in my neck and I stumble out of bed half awake; blurs fill the room as I tumble out the bedroom and down the stairs. What… what do you do when… when you’re too scared to even try? What do you do when everything and everybody takes ten steps forward and you spring ten steps back? How the fuck do you catch up to that? Too slow to catch on and too clingy to the past. How do you let go of something you’re not ready to?

I can’t help, but keep this negative outlook. I can’t but feel like I’ve failed- ’cause anything I touch turns into sand. Anything I do… fails miserably.

So. How. Do. You. End. This.?

Sleeping for all its worth isn’t worth jack shit if you miss every little thing going on. Too selfish for my own good, I… focused on trivial matters. I was vain in my pursuit of acceptance. I, was… lonely.

And sad. Tired, and angry.

Troublesome. I just want to forget- to stop caring so much. Let me reach that apathetic state once again, because I can’t stand me.