Novacaine

I know I’m selfish for wanting to do the things i want to do, for not doing what I’m supposed to do. I do want to be selfless, but for being the way I am, I can’t help but be selfish; I’m the worst kind. You might understand, but I don’t give a damn anymore.

I’m numb- and all I want to do is run off.

I hate obligations, responsibility.

I’m a child; I don’t know how to fucking deal.

This situation is straining and all we really want… is broken. What’s best is if you left, maybe if you weren’t there. It’s heartwrenching in some ways, but these tears are all dried up. I can’t feel anymore. I don’t know what to say or do. I’d rather not deal, but I can’t run away from it all.

But its not like I’m doing anything to help you, or you, or even you.

I really am selfish, because I just don’t want to be apart of this anymore.

We never had an empire state building. We had measely shack fixed up with patches of the cheapest material you could find. Well… all that is deteriorating.

Who do you think you are?

Who do I think I am?

Its unhealthy.

I’m sick of these emotions, of these actions, of these words.

I’m annoyed.

I no longer want to be here anymore.

I no longer live here.

I no longer want to be.

These words mean nothing, do they?

I’m filled with selfish thoughts and empty threats.

I want to do better for her. I want nothing more to do with you..  I want to scream at you, but no words will come out. Nothing will ever work out the way its planned. We’ll be together eventually it seems.

Forgive? Maybe. Forget, never.

You’re a child, a fool to lose the very thing you worked so hard to build. You’re a hypocrite, a liar.

So why can’t I stand up?

How can you not feel the least bit guilty?

You have no shame. You have no morals, you have no dignity. You’re too damn proud and I’m too damn quiet.

It’s a shame really… you’re about to lose everything.

But thats not true, because I think I know better than anything else…

Nothing feels right anymore.